Uno: The Intro

Hey.. hi.. hola.. aloha.. yeah, you get it. 

First timer here.. I’m nervous. What the fuck am I supposed to write about? I probably shouldn’t write that.. so I guess we’re off to an exceptional start. 

So, just a quick back story.. Air Force brat, moved around a lot until the age of 10, then the rents moved back to Ohio, where I spent the rest of my childhood, teenage years and early twenties. Divorced once, married twice. I’ll probably talk about marriage two quite a bit.. his official reference will be Turd. He’s amazing, and a complete asshole. I love him. I moved to California to start my life with him.. 3 long years ago. Oh, and I have a doggo, Miniature Labradoodle. 

So if you have ever been to the Midwest, specifically Ohio, then you’ll know that we are a nice, friendly bunch. I probably get that most often.. “people from Ohio are just sooo nice..” yep, that’s me. Although I find it annoying sometimes, I can’t change myself. I find it most annoying when I’m nice and it’s not reciprocated. I know, I know.. we’ve all been there. At the grocery store, gliding down the ethnic food aisle, and some bitch is standing there taking her sweet ass time looking at refried beans. Her cart is manning the middle of the aisle like it’s Moses parting the Red Sea, and I’m just trying to get by, get my Tapitio, and get the fuck out of dodge. Nope, not happening my friends. She doesn’t even look up, give that embarrassed “oh am I in your way sweetie?” look, oh no, she ignores me like I’m the calorie count on the Olive Garden menu. So being the polite shmuck that I am, I wait. And that is severely annoying. 

Just be kind. It’s not difficult. Let people pass in the grocery aisle, hold the door for the poor guy who didn’t “need” a cart or 10 cent bags.. just be fucking nice, ok!

Thanks. Uno complete. 

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